literature

The Flower Garden ~ Chapter 07

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Fili had been expecting a lot of things when he'd stepped outside to follow Bilbo. One of those expectations had been to find the hobbit in tears over the loss of his parents.

Finding out that Bilbo's mother was in fact still alive and hey, by the way I can't go with you after all hadn't been one of those.

But that was what happened and Fili couldn't help but feel conflicted.

He had a feeling that Bilbo was right. That someone else would be better as their burglar - Nori would fill that task better than the hobbit sitting next to him. So for the best interest for their quest he should probably nod and say that indeed Bilbo's obligations were more important than this. Go home, go to your mother, be safe.

But there was also a selfish side of him. A side that had decided Bilbo was a nice guy, sort of cute looking - although the lack of beard needed some getting used to - and definitely someone he liked. And since Kili was the only person he was really close to he desperately wanted someone else along that could keep his mind away from Smaug. Besides, Kili had said to like the hobbit as well - although Fili had a feeling his interest in Bilbo differed from his brother's. That part of him wanted to convince Bilbo to come.

But he couldn't afford to be selfish, could he?

This quest was more important than his feelings. It was worth so much more and he had to think in the best interest of the quest. Of Erebor.

But maybe being selfish was acting in the best interest of their journey. He had to admit Bilbo might not seem like the best guy for the job but when he looked at Bilbo there was at least something. Besides, Gandalf had brought them to Bilbo. He believed Bilbo was suited for this and wasn't the wizard more experienced and knowledgeable in things like this? Wasn't he just following his own intuition and believing Gandalf instead of being selfish when he convinced Bilbo to stay?

It took him a second to realize how ironic the entire situation was.

Here he was, trying to convince himself that convincing Bilbo to go with them was the best choice. Wasn’t that pathetic? He wondered. Didn’t the fact that the both of them needed convincing mean that perhaps it just wasn’t worth it?

Besides, what would his uncle say when Bilbo turned out not to be the burglar Gandalf promised him to be and found out it was Fili who was responsible for the hobbit’s presence in the first place?

Fili resisted the urge to sigh and damn his own mind. There were almost as many reasons to convince Bilbo to come as there were to convince him to just go home.

It didn’t make coming up with something to say any easier. Certainly not now that Bilbo looked almost crestfallen at having admitted his life was nothing but obligations.

It was strange, really, how much he actually cared. He never had before about anyone but his family. But here was this strange hobbit that made him feel guilty for his words with just a single hurt look.



Then Bilbo turned to him and when their eyes caught Fili couldn’t help but be taken aback, stunned breathless for a few short seconds.

The raw emotion in those eyes, the begging yet hopeful look.

Fili wasn’t sure quite what to think, or what to feel for that matter. Because the look tugged at his heart in a way he didn’t even dare to think about now.

So, instead he focused on what the look meant. What Bilbo was silently asking for.

If he were honest, he would have to admit that the pleading look sealed the deal for him, whether he liked it or not. Because no matter how many reasons he could come up with to not convince Bilbo, it didn’t weigh up to the feeling that it wasn’t what they both wanted.

So when he spoke next, it perhaps wasn’t in the best interest of their quest. But he was doing what he wanted to do and to him, that meant the world for living in his uncle’s shadow meant that that didn’t happen often.

“Master Baggins...” Fili started and when he saw a small sliver of hope grow in Bilbo’s eyes, his voice softened. “Bilbo, I understand that your mother means a lot to you. But should you really live your entire life in the shadow of your family? Shouldn’t you live your own life? I mean, your mother probably loves you more than you love her and I can’t imagine any mother wanting her child to... miss out on life.”

He could of course only hope that that comment would convince Bilbo to go with them.

If it didn’t?

Well, then he always had some dirty tricks up his sleeve that he would play straight into Bilbo’s guilty conscience.

----

When Fili finally spoke, a little voice inside Bilbo was cheering.

It was cheering Fili on, screaming that the other was right and Bilbo should just live his life the way he wanted to.

But there was a small voice, one that was deeply rooted within him and was like a weed. He wanted it to be gone, but couldn’t seem to get rid of it. It was always there, telling him the things he didn’t want to hear. Like that living his life didn’t necessarily mean throwing himself into life danger. That he could do the things he wanted to without being burned by a dragon.

It wasn’t necessarily hesitation, he realized. Because oh, he wanted to go. But it was his upbringing, the hobbit culture and everything he had ever known to be the right thing that was battling with what he now wanted.

And it wasn’t necessarily himself that needed convincing to go. It was everyone else that needed convincing when – if – he came back. It was absolutely ridiculous, but that was what things were like for a hobbit.



“You do realize that even though you might not want to, you have to go, right?” Fili suddenly asked. His head was turned to Bilbo and he was looking at the other with a raised expression and a smug expression.

All of Bilbo’s thoughts stuttered to a halt. He frowned at Fili and wondered if the other knew what he was thinking. That he was doubting. The things he said certainly indicated that he did. And maybe Fili did know, because for all Bilbo knew Fili had needed some convincing to go on this quest as well.

He took a breath and, trying not to feel too excited, asked: “How so?”

Fili smirked, looking very self-satisfied knowing that he had Bilbo right where he wanted him. “Well first off, you are the burglar we need for the job. Gandalf said so himself and while we might doubt him, he is never wrong.”

Bilbo couldn’t help but nod. At least Fili was right, because if there was one thing Bilbo doubted it was Gandalf’s decision to take him.

Fili shrugged. “So, you see, we need you to come. Not only that, but you promised.” Here Fili paused, watching Bilbo with a schooled expression. Then the smugness returned and his lips curled up slightly. “And you signed the contract.”

Bilbo’s eyes widened slightly. The contract! He thought. He had completely forgotten about it, that one piece of paper that with his signature bound him to this quest.

His heart skipped a beat in relief. Well, now you’ve done it and gotten yourself convinced. A somewhat sarcastic part of himself spoke up. A part of him that would probably forever whisper for him not to go, that it would be a mistake, that he was going to regret it. Let’s just hope you come back alive.

It were the whispers of his simple and rather unsatisfying life in Hobbiton. The life he was now going to leave behind.

But before Bilbo could tell Fili this, the other swung his left leg over the bench so he was sitting astride it, startling Bilbo slightly.

“And if all of that isn’t enough to convince you...” He started and then leaned closer to Bilbo with a smirk. He placed both his palms onto the bench and tilted his head slightly so he could murmur into Bilbo’s ear: “You owe me. And I’d like to collect that open favour now.”

When Fili leaned closer, Bilbo’s breath hitched nervously. The thought what is he going to do? flashed through his mind. But it was washed away by those three words. A shiver raked down his spine, a combination of the husky murmur and Fili’s closeness.

But strangely enough, he also felt disappointed that Fili had chosen this moment to use them. He might have been anxious to find out what exactly owing Fili meant, but he was curious as well. Certainly considering that he had already been convinced.

So now it was Bilbo’s chance to smile as he said: “Why don’t you save that for the journey.”

Fili looked stunned for a few seconds and then burst out laughing. He clasped Bilbo’s shoulder and shook his head in amusement. “You, master Baggins, are full of surprises.” He then swung his leg back to the front of the bench and stood up. “Let’s go in and celebrate with a drink, aye?” He asked and trotted off.

Bilbo stood up, following Fili with a chuckle. This probably wouldn’t be the last time he doubted his decision. Hardships would come and he would regret leaving. But at least it seemed he was in good company, so it wouldn’t be truly horrible.
Thanks everyone for the comments and all the favs! I love you guys <3

And~ I probably won't update next week. I've got my birthday coming up and I'll be going to France for a few days next weekend. So, depending on how much time I can actually find to write this week (which I assume is very little) I might or might not update.

Next chapter = china-dolly.deviantart.com/art...
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DarkClosure's avatar
Then they wake up with hangovers and have to nurse each other's pain. XD